Out, Out Damn Spot - Pony Tail (Hair) Dos and Don’ts

All Hail the undisputed champion of the hearts and souls of men – the Pony Tail.
Never has such a simple element so weakened the knees, elevated the blood pressure, and inebriated the mind. It is the most organic form of Kryptonite, yet, so few women understand its power or how to wield it. For us men this is a good thing.

The Ancients knew and marveled before this wonder of Nature. Its source of power was beyond their finding out but they passed their warning down through oral tradition, generation after generation and tribe upon tribe; through every civilization to have risen or fallen.

In the late twentieth century, an American scribe put it to music in hopes of reaching a far greater audience. His words are humbly recorded here:

"Chantilly lace and a pretty face
And a pony tail hanging down
A wiggle in the walk and giggle in the talk
Makes the world go round
There ain't nothing in the world like a big eyed girl
That makes me act so funny, make me spend my money
Make me feel real loose like a long necked goose
Like a girl, oh baby that's what I like"

Thank You, J.P. Richardson, aka. The Big Bopper, for such eternal words of truth.

I wrestled with revealing the secret power of the pony tail but I have realized that modern times require that I must intervene. Although it may at first glance appear that I am betraying my gender by calling attention to its use I am in reality doing this only for myself. As there is no more noble pursuit I am therefore vindicated as well as justified in my actions. That there is the danger that women may usurp the influence of the pony tail and take my words to form weapons against my kind is really only a slight risk. Women seldom if ever believe what men say much less have any compulsion to act in accordance with our instructions. Therefore, I argue that it is entirely safe to dispense my secret wisdom of the pony tail because I am in essence hiding it in plain sight.

Let us begin.

Originally, the pony tail was intended for good – not for evil.

Rather than focus on the infinite counterfeits I shall endeavor to lead you in the pony tail path of truth and purity. The pony tail is a beacon. It is used to signal invitation as well as warning. In the picture above is found the mother of all pony tails. It is a glorious cascading waterfall of feminine power. Watch as it flips in opposition to the direction the female turns her head. This is the constant seeking of balance in nature. The wearer’s head may contain all sorts of vain and useless fluff but the hair of the pony tail has weight and substance and roots. It always returns to a neutral stance with its desire always to be grounded.

The pony tail hikes up the hemline around a woman's face. It both reveals and teases at the same time. It calls attention to the line of her neck, the secret places for nibbling behind the ears, the graceful features of her bone structure, the curve of her lip, the infinite depth of her eyes. The pony tail is the drawing back of the drapes and the race of light to caress what is no longer hidden. It shouts with only a whisper.

The pony tail expresses the mood and approachability of the woman that wears it and has as many voices as well. Our example above is known as the high pony tail. It projects an upbeat and confident emotion.

This is the low pony tail. The positioning changes the "vibe" being transmitted. The lower the pony tail placement the more sultry and seductive it becomes.





The example worn here, by Maria Menounos, is above the ear in a middle ground between the two extremes. It provides a confident but engaging aura. Also important to note is whether or not bangs are allowed to roam free of the pony tail restraints. The very orderly appearance modeled here shows control and a more serious, "I mean business" declaration. Loose, falling bangs instill a more animalistic response from men. They can innocently ask to be noticed or as in this next example . . .

. . . the very loose amount of hair held in the pony tail as well as the extremely low placement offer a conscious or unconscious request of, "Ravish Me!"

That this is also the look of harried women cleaning up after a man is really not important - except, for her to understand that both of these imply the same thing.

There are also actions taken by the wearer of a pony tail which may diminish or enhance its affect and she should clearly understand each and its impact for maximum effect.

The most subtle change in pony tail style also offers the greatest impression in adding or subtracting from "the look." When one dares to increase the number of pony tails worn it would at first seem logical that it would multiply the power. This is never actually true.

Something is not working in this pony tail. It lacks definition. It lacks strength. It is still only one pony tail but it has been divided. It seems indecisive and timid. The pony tail should never be taken so lightly. This is a mockery of its vitality and energy. Without question this is an example of where less is not more. And you thought a pony tail was just a way to avoid bothering with styling your hair?! I must move on. Such disregard is too sad . . .

Ahh! this is the proper lay of a pony tail across only one shoulder. Behold the dignity befitting the glory of a well executed side pony tail. The reader may note there was the bold application of a scarf by this strong-willed wearer. One should be cautioned against such but that will be covered later.



Multiple pony tails are best left to the innocent and the young. Those who imagine adopting this look otherwise will gain back neither.

Unless you are one of these adorable dolls . . .










Or, are an actual anime cartoon, please do not attempt the "cute look." That being said, if your name is either Carrie Ann Inaba, or, Diane Mizota - KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

t-t-TWINS!!!














. . . Excuse me. Seemed to have gotten distracted for a moment. Where were we? Oh Yes, the mistakes to avoid. Always remember: Respect the power of the pony tail. Never dismiss it just because you do not understand it. You must become one with the pony tail. Disrespect and disregard lead to things like this -

No,

. . . NO and,


. . . Hell No!


If you do not know it by now, men, are visually stimulated. It does not matter whether you accept this fact or not it remains forever true. Men will not only undress you but dissect you with their eyes. You will be evaluated as pieces and not as a whole unless you direct the path of their gaze. (Gaze/stare . . . whatever) A woman's wardrobe and her hair and makeup should comprise a continuous smooth path along which to carry his wandering eye. There should not be abrupt juts and things sticking out to cull focus. Showing more reveals less. Have you seen a man with a television remote? He gets easily bored with visual stimuli. Do you want him to do the same with you? So, too, with the pony tail. The fall of the hair directs the trace of a curve from head to toe. Be very careful about abrupt transitions from stem to stern. You want your hull to bare a smooth, sleek line. The method of securing the pony tail or anything applied to it must be unobtrusive. Wearing a ball cap over a pony tail has enjoyed some popularity.

This has a certain attraction but the use must be discreet. Too often it is used to merely mask a "Bad Hair Day" and even men know this. Instead of being sexy like a woman wearing a man's shirt it becomes a repellent to warn off men. Some women favor the look to send just such an advisory to "Back Off." But most just look like a shampoo is way overdue. The look is choppy and doesn't have an organic flow.


Now, compare the above cap and pony tail to the cap and simple drawing of the hair behind the ears. Uninterrupted bliss. The pony tail must deliver on its own. Scarves, hats, and over-sized ornamentation are an affront to the finely-honed male senses.




Scrunchies are popular and rightly so. Hair does not suffer damage when scrunchies are used. However, harm is done to the visual appeal.

An otherwise exemplary application of pony tail power is ruined by a too bunchy scrunchy. Instead of fetching his eye he is only catching that knot on the back of her noggin. If you absolutely must add something to the already perfect form of the pony tail there is one acceptable alternative. It will step up your game but beware. If you are already offended by his eyes then you should not resort to the ultimate man bait or you will be slapping away his hands.


Curly hair pony tail. Encoded in the primordial strands of our DNA is the tactile attraction to curly hair. It waits deep in our genes and other places and if you have curls men will want to run their fingers through them. You may not have natural curls but as long as he believes they are natural then the lure is all that more alluring.



If you have poker straight hair - not to worry. You have another curling option that will get just as much attention.

The flip and clip pony tail. Obviously this works best with very long hair which is usually the way poker straight hair grows in the wild. The loosely tossed hair over one eye has been enough to make men blind with desire. No matter what delicious blend of herbs and spices your ethnicity has made you never doubt the power of the pony tail.



If you're more comfortable with processed hair; weaves and extensions, flat irons and crimps, there's pony tail magic to spare. Sure men are suckers for the sleekest new thing but they never lose interest in the real thing.

If you want to go with the natural afro you won't be disappointed. I know I never am.


If you want to feel like a natural woman there's no better way than to know that a man wants to feel you, too. The poofy pony tail is irresistible. It's soft but resilient - two very feminine qualities.





Wow. This takes the natural poof to its most honest conclusion. I love this look because everything about it shows a friendliness and warmth. There is just a feeling of ease and comfort. It projects the attitude of taking life as it comes and what you see is what you get. How can you not want to play in those spongy curls? What would happen if a woman was content to be herself? I think this answers that question, well.


Here's the black version of the high pony tail for natural hair. It is every bit as lovely and just as sophisticated. Again, the high placement shows confidence and positive energy.

This is approaching a lot of the attributes of a bun.



A bun is really a conservative pony tail. It is discreet and modest but suggests there's so much more underneath.

This is a fine example. This bun is strong, modest but set lower suggesting more sensual tones. This look makes a man measure himself before approaching. He needs to know he is able to match the energy being deliberately held back in public that will be released in private. Posers and players need not apply.

But what of real sophistication?

Can a pony tail equal the style and grace of a French Braid? Simply because the pony tail is an every day occurrence does not mean it is common. This is the misconception that makes so many women not consider the pony tail merits.

No style is ideal for every application but the pony tail has the versatility and the poise of a courtesan.

These two examples are a rather persuasive argument that a pony tail can be the heart of a stunning expression of class.

The first is more youthful but the look has only a little sultry flavor to the frosting. Otherwise, it has an understated elegance.

The second is a look worth every expense necessary to have that much loveliness in my company.

Which brings me to an example that ties all of this together.

This has it all; a fairly high pony tail allowed to fall naturally over the shoulders. What a tease. How dare that hair be caressing those shoulders and tickling that neck that my lips long to brush with kisses. The hair is pulled back securely but with a relaxed hold that reflects her calm demeanor. The slight fall of bangs leaves the door open for possibilities that the eyes and lips refuse to betray. So much revealed and yet so much more concealed. The art of mystery.

The impact of a well considered pony tail can not be denied. Women, Are you able now to see what men see?

Carmen Electra obviously gets it. Her reputation for comprehending and perfecting her attractiveness to men may not always win her favor with other women or even all men due to some of her exploits but her grasp of the visual keys is unquestionable.

Men do not only want one thing. They want everything.


I have tipped my hand. I have let you in by one of the universal doors that men have never had any real desire to lock. What have you learned and what will you do with the information? A grateful reader would take this to heart and exercise due care in presenting the pony tail with its rightful glory. If not for yourself then do it for me. Otherwise you are simply being selfish and rude. How dare You! I can not possibly be those things after so thoughtfully providing this pony tail primer.

Hopefully you have come to see the ordinary pony tail as something extraordinary. You would have to go to great heights to give your do more lift. Don't believe me? Here's your proof.